my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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