How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
