Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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