So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
