cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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