I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize