so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
