i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
