it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize