i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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