I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
