just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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