You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
