Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
