see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize