Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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