Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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