I'd wear matching sweaters with you
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
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