he shaved USA in his pubs
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
sick fucks of a feather flock together
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
