Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
