Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You ate ashes out of my bong
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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