My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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