Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
