I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Dicks are not precious.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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