The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
