i just wanna soil my oats bro
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
