Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Less talking, more tequila
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
