Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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