when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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