Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
