I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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