bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
