Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
