Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
