what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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