DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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