Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
