I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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