help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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