exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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