I looked at my own cervix.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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