I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
