I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
be right there i have to get my cape
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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