Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Randomize
