party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
