I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
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