And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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