I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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