There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
