For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
