My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
love makes seman taste better
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize