I could have mohawked her pubes.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
