you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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