You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
