I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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