The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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