Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
