Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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