had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
