Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
