For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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