I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize