fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
