O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I need a burrito and a hug.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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