so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
