haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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