Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize