I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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