so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
